One of the biggest struggles of parents implementing FBT is the anger they face when confronting the eating disorder head on. The fury of an ED confronted with potential extinction is like none other. If you’re a parent who has lived through this, the experience can be unforgettable.
Parents currently in the thick of refeeding could use your wisdom and experience. How did you manage when faced with an ED induced rage? Did you ever make concessions, hoping it would make things “easier”? If so, what did you learn from doing this?
If you were able to stand firm in the face of an ED rage, what kept you on track? How did doing this influence the success of the refeeding goals for your child?
Please share.
The best advice I received was from a Duke Parenting Weekend last year with Dr. Nancy Zucker, PhD.
She has a very good resource for paretns titled "Off the C.U.F.F"
Posted by: Darlene | July 06, 2009 at 09:43 AM
We have two daughters recovering from ED, one with anorexia and one with bulimia. We have relied heavily on the therapists/dieticians so that we are not the "bad guys". We enforce and monitor. We have had anger outbursts the most when there were changes that were communicated to our children and not clearly to us (the parents). Working hard to keep the communication open and clear is the key. With other anger - we have told our girls that it is okay to be angry and express it. We set limits about inappropriate ways (swearing, hitting etc...). For example, I "grounded" our 14 year old for calling me a "f-ing" "c" - even though she was angry for a very good reason (my ex-husband/her father was rejecting her). We are in year two with our 16 year old's recovery from anorexia and going on a year and a half with our 14 year old's bulimia. Sometimes it seems like this will never end, but focusing on each day and seeing even just small improvements keeps us going. When there are setbacks we quickly readjust and then get back on track.
Posted by: Jennifer W | August 12, 2009 at 10:50 AM
I found Janet Treasure's book, Skills Based Learning, most helpful in confronting rages. I really had to readjust the way I reacted to the rages and see them more as my daughter's ed communicating with me, not against me. "Remain calm" (or at least pretend to be)was my mantra, and I would often take on a rather robotic voice, "I am so sorry you are having a hard time, but..." My daughter can now joke about the Robot Mom, but it did help both of us that I remained calm and collected while all hell was breaking loose! Once my daughter learned that no matter how angry she was her parents were going to react with consistent calm, things started to turn around.
Posted by: Erica | October 15, 2009 at 11:03 AM