Recovery Matters by Leslie E Murray

The Worst Thing Ever Happened...and I Survived. Part 2 of 2

One of the legs on my Christmas tree stand broke this week while it was being trimmed.  I was devastated.  

While this was not what I originally intended to write for the second part of this series, I thought it fit the message.  

As I recounted the story to people I laughed (as did they), telling them the tree was infirmed and it wasn't certain if it could be patched or another tree should be bought at this late date.  My underlying thought was that I didn't think that I wanted a tree that was "patched" or taped.  I wanted a "good" tree even though the first thought was that putting a little tape on the stand would just get it through this year.

Life is always what happens when you are making plans and sometimes life makes you deal with a "broken" Christmas tree.  While I admit to losing heart that day, I did end up"patching" the tree.  In strange ways, you are reminded that there is no perfection.

Life is not black or white.  There is no all or nothing.  I had already decided the plan B and C when it broke.  Recovery will take a spirit of survival when you least expect that you need it.  

Like your Christmas tree breaking, things will be funny later or when you tell someone else, even if they aren't funny in the moment.  After all, who has ever heard of someone's Christmas tree breaking?  

I'm enjoying my fabulous tree. Enjoy the little imperfections in your life.

Peace be with you.

The Worst Thing Ever Happened...and I Survived. Part 1 of 2

While at the bookstore, I saw a book titled, "The Worst Case Survival Handbook."  In full disclosure, I've never read the book and cannot recommend it, but I liked the title.  It also provides teachable moments.

As we move in life, the unexpected does happen.  When these unexpected events occur, often times we feel ourselves knocked for a loop and shaken.  Instead of getting up and planting our feet, we get on the haunted ride of the vicious circle which is fueled by our core beliefs.  Then things start to spiral.

In CBT, we aim to recognize black and white thinking and core beliefs.  Imagine a book in jest about the worst things that could ever happen and how to get yourself out of them.  What if in life we did the same thing? 

Through recovery, we learn to deal with disappointments and have a plan B ahead of time just in case things don't work out the way we planned.  Sometimes we have to have a plan C, D, and E.  We might not make it into the college of our dreams on the first try, that's why many people apply to more than one college. 

Learning to be flexible and how to adapt to changes and fluctuations is the key to survival.

"The Nile", and the role of Defense Mechanisms

We've all heard it, "Denial is not just a river in Egypt."  Not only is the Nile the only river in Egypt, but denial is an oft used defense mechanism for sufferers of eating disorders.

Defense mechanisms in and of themselves are not always pathological.  It is only those that are "immature" in nature and keep people in their eating disorder that are harmful.  Far too often, sufferers may hear of a peer becoming gravely ill and tell themselves, "It cannot happen to me," or "I'll stop before that happens...I'm not that sick."  How will you know?

To test if a thought is rational, say it aloud.  If it doesn't make sense or you cannot repeat it to someone else, it bears further thought.

Distortion causes the misreading of social cues and their own body.  This is also from the malnutrition and the obsessive nature of the eating disorder itself.

Even within the pain of therapy and eating disorder treatment, more positive defenses can be employed.  Anticipation of uncomfortable events such as meals can be dampened through making a joke of the fear that exists.  This allows for planning such as finding a meal buddy to get through the tough times.  

Defend your right to have a healthy body and mind.

Eating Disorders: It is time for African Americans to talk about it

Sitting with a colleague after work, I asked, "Do you know anyone who is African American and has an eating disorder?"  My colleague, who is aware of my history, sat back in her chair and without pause said yes.  Then I asked a follow up question that I rarely ever do..."Do they consider themselves eating disordered?" A quick "Oh heavens no" came my way.  This wasn't a surprise, but it was as if I heard it anew.  After a long pause, I asked "why we don't ever talk about it," and we just shared a smile and a shrug of the shoulder.

"I cannot have an eating disorder, I'm African American.  We aren't supposed to get eating disorders.  We don't get eating disorders. What does that mean about me and my cultural identity?" Nothing.  It means you have an eating disorder and you need treatment.

I understood.  I understood all too well.  Not only is admitting that you have an eating disorder one of the bravest acts that a sufferer can ever do (in fact some people don't say it until it can be phrased in the past tense), but to admit an eating disorder when you don't fit the "mold" is still simply unconscionable for some. Being an African American with an eating disorder does not take away from your identification with your ethnic heritage unless you let it.