Recovery Matters by Leslie E Murray

What will you gain this year?

 

Happy New Year to all!

With the New Year comes new promises and unfortunately new life for the diet industry.  Recently a Special K commercial featured people weighing themselves publicly in Times Square. Instead of a number reading, participants were shown words like "Joy, Courage and Strength."  The tagline..."What will you gain when you lose?"

I ask instead, what will you gain if you begin a new life free of your eating disorder?  Though it promises joy, courage and strength, weight loss simply will not deliver.  Recovery veterans will be eagerly inform you that true joy comes from within.  Authentic strength is gained when you fight your eating disorder on a daily basis and Courage allows you to take that first step toward recovery and persevere when times get tough.

A number on the scale will never bring true happiness.  Happiness is peace of mind knowing that outer appearance doesn't (and will never) determine your worth.  This year, strive to gain wisdom, purpose and meaning in your life.  Gain joy and peace.  Gain a life free of your eating disorder.

Without fear

I found myself forgetting that today was Thanksgiving.  Every year it seems to arrive a bit earlier. However, for someone with an eating disorder, this day can be filled with dread and anxiety.  It doesn't have to be this way.

You've probably read different ways to cope with today and the holiday season ahead.  The common stream that links all advice is self care.  Above all else, take care of yourself today (and every day).  With each decision that you find difficult, ask yourself, "Is there a choice that will further my goal of recovery."  Once that choice is identified, choose it and don't look back. 

Louisa May Alcott said it best, "I don't worry about the storms, I am learning to sail my own ship."

Let go of the fear of making mistakes.  Recovery is a grand learning process.  It will get better and become easier.  Failure is not making mistakes, failure only occurs when you don't learn from a mistake or fear prevents you from attempting a process.

Slow down.  Breathe.  Plan your day to include healthy coping strategies.  Write a gratitude list and include 3 things for which you are thankful.  Today is not just about a particular food, it a grand opportunity to take inventory of what is going well in your life.

Without fear, face the day.  Be thankful for life, the opportunity to learn and live a recovered life.

 

Compassion in Eating Disorders

I walked through Macy’s this past weekend eager to get my 25% off shopping pass for a simple $5 donation to the March of Dimes.  Pass in hand, I was eager to see what potential bargains waited.  I found myself with a strange awakening and was struck by which charities could garner such support. 

I’ve gladly contributed to office fundraisers for cancers, scouting and food banks.  I’ve supported
the efforts for Diabetes, Children’s Hospitals, scouting, animal shelters, Booster clubs and worn ribbons of multiple colors.

But today was different. 

As I rode the escalator in search of sales, I couldn’t help but wonder why the fundraising efforts for eating disorders weren’t more visible?   There were no little cans at the grocery store.  No car washes.  No bake sales to raise money for treatment.  Where was everybody?  It seemed at times that there was barely a whisper about the epidemic of eating disorders. 

Do eating disorders garner compassion or even sympathy?

It is a rare Saturday morning that I don’t see a commercial urging me to “Save the Children” or save animals.  Sad faces (animal and human) look into the camera and plead for more humane treatment, help and understanding.  The image of someone diagnosed with an eating disorder remains a caricature.  The idea of a donation can at a grocery store or a bake sale carries many jokes revealing a misunderstanding of the nature of eating disorders. 

The problem is (once again) stigma and shame.

Every people suffering with an eating disorder must know that they did not cause their eating disorder and should not feel ashamed of it.  They also must know that they must work to overcome it. You cannot be blamed for others not understanding your illness.  Do take steps to understand and treat your own illness.

Work to support efforts that provide education about eating disorders and do not participate in dieting or self-harm talk.  Participate in National Eating Disorders Awareness Month (February), Binge Eating Disorders Association, ANAD or the Eating Disorders Coalition. 

Realize that there are no illnesses that only happen to “bad people” illnesses or conversely “innocent people.”  There are just illnesses.  Release the mystique.  Dissolve myths and educate others whenever possible.  Talk about the true impact of eating disorders.  Look not to others for sympathy, learn to self soothe and validate your own self-worth.  Strive to develop compassion and kindness for yourself.

In the end, it is not sympathy that is desired.  It is respect.

 

 

Peace be with you.

 

When we stop hating our bodies

Body hate/dissatisfaction is a learned state. Therefore, it can be unlearned. 

We don’t emerge from the womb disappointed in the shapes of our bellies or legs.  Instead, as infants
we marvel in finding a new body part to inevitably put in our mouths.

If you ask someone with body image disturbance when they first realized that they were uncomfortable with their shape, often a pattern emerges; there are comparisons to the bodies of others and perceived (or actual) expectations of others.  Recently, a question was posed to eating disorder clinicians from someone looking to help others learn to accept their body.  The interest in this problem was broad based and the are complexities immense.  

Consider the following quote from BULIMIA: A GUIDE TO RECOVERY - 25th Anniversary
Edition by Lindsey Hall & Leigh Cohn (Gurze Books, 2011)

“As children, we adopt beliefs about how we look based on feedback from family, friends, classmates, and culture. The opinions we develop become ingrained as we age, and unfortunately, those messages are often negative. More than 80% of women and men are dissatisfied with their bodies, although for the majority, this does not dominate their lives. But it does for people with eating disorders. In
fact, disliking the body is such a crucial symptom of anorexia nervosa and bulimia that both DSM diagnoses include the criteria that a person’s self-evaluation is “unduly influenced by body shape and weight.”

While those with eating disorders do let body dissatisfaction overwhelm their lives, there is still a culture that exists outside of the eating disorder population that teaches women to question their worth based
on shape. Jenni Schafer refers to this as “societal ED.” In the book, “When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies,” the author encourages women to question who they allow to shape feelings about body.  How
is someone or something chosen to wield so much power? 

Do something revolutionary.
Institute a “No fat talk” rule among your friends.  Reward yourself for body positive thoughts and actions.  Surround yourself with those who model self-love and health.

When we stop hating our bodies, life truly begins.

Why this picture is important

 

 

Jesse Jackson, Jr recently released disclosed that he is being treated at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for a mental illness.  His congressional seat and political future were cited as one of his worries.  His underlying worry, mental health stigma.

While lobbying Congress with the Eating Disorders Coalition, I had the privilege to hear Rep. Patrick Kennedy discuss the need to put a face to mental illness.  Too often, these disorders are left to cariature and are misunderstood by the public.  He applauded our courage for attending.

Naively, when I first entered psychiatry and advocacy work, I didn't see speaking out as courageous.  I simply saw a need for change.  I have since learned of the fear that keeps so many people from admitting illness, seeking help and fighting workplace discrimination.

I didn't know that I was viewed similarly as the dentist, someone that people dreaded and saw only in the most dire of emergencies.  What I could not do was collude with a society that suggests people feel lesser due to illness.  When feeling lesser, fighting to improve insurance coverage does not seem a natural action. 

It is my wish that with more visibility, the stigma around eating disorders and other mental illnesses will fall away.  A review of history shows that a similar stigma once existed around breast cancer. Now teens wear wristbands stating a love for their body parts.  There is never shame in mental illness.  There is no need for mental illness to go untreated.

 

 

Peace be with you.

Silencing the critic within

Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

Like the little engine that could, I choose to “think I can.”

 

I’m often asked how to silence the critical voice within.  Short answer; develop a love of
self.  Critical thoughts are often distortions which may be changed through CBT.  Real change comes when you start believing that you are worthy of something wonderful in your life AND that change is possible.

Another factor that perpetuates the critical voice is habit. The most important step in changing your pattern of thinking is accepting that change will not be immediate. Because thoughts may have become habit, it will take time to learn that these thoughts are unhealthy and unhelpful. Grant yourself patience. 

The second step is realizing just how often negative thoughts enter the mind.  The third step is withholding judgment around negative thoughts; in fact you should praise yourself for noticing them.  The fourth step is reframing your negative thoughts in a positive manner.

When you find yourself wanting to make a critical statement about your body, dietary intake or performance, imagine you were talking to a loved one.  If you wouldn’t say it to them, then don’t say it to yourself.

 

Good luck and I wish you a peaceful day!

Where I’ve been

Hello again!

I took time off from blogging to focus on writing (irl), moving to a new state and beginning a brand new practice, whew!  I am glad to be back and hope you are ready for more of my quirky brand of humor and wisdom.

This year has been an enormous growing experience but most of all, I learned about ME. 

One of the “roll your eyes cause it’s true” clichés about recovery is that it is truly a time of discovery.  Even if an eating disorder isn’t present, it’s imperative to continue growing.  Recovery is about learning that life is more than your eating disorder, next meal and reflection in the mirror.  Real life is
more than the goals that you dreamed as a child.  It's not just about where you've been, but about where you want to go. Let go of fear and risk mistakes. 

I am pleased to once again freely dole the sophomoric wisdom of my years.   I wish you well and I bid you peace always.

The Moment I Knew...

Hurry! The Huffington Post is featuring videos on the topic, "The Moment I Knew I Needed to Stop Dieting."

Here's the Instructions:

Submissions should include your full name with your video submission. Each video should be 30-60 seconds long, and should feature only you, speaking right into the camera telling your story. Please start your story with the words "The moment I knew..."

Email your videos to: themomentiknew@huffingtonpost.​com

Write your Recovery Story!

As we start another NEDAW (National Eating Disorders Awareness Week), I am grateful for this week to highlight the many efforts that the eating disorders treatment community make to further recovery. I encourage you to find an event in or near your community this week.

Currently, I'm reading Carolyn Costin's "Eight Keys to Recovery from an Eating Disorder." This is an amazing book that I'd recommend for anyone seeking to learn more about the path to recovery. As we enter this week I would suggest that you write your own story of recovery.

Recovery is a process that requires a daily commitment to health. During the journey, tools such as visualizing your success will help along the way. Far too often we live in the memory of dark days. Honor those experiences and attempt to work to give yourself permission to live a new life.

Take time during this week to write about a life without your eating disorder. Who will you include along your journey? Will you work with a professional to develop a food plan? What steps will you take in order to adhere to your plan? How will you reward yourself for your efforts? Where were you and what were you doing when you decided to recover? Who will you enlist for support (Friends, Family, Physician, Psychiatrist, Nutritionist, Therapist)? Finally how different is recovered life from living in your eating disorder?

Eating Disorders are treatable illnesses. You can recover. Start today. Start now.

 

 

 

Peace be with you.

 

As part of a series this February, bloggers are collaborating to discuss the importance of recovery. Please enjoy the latest contribution!

http://weighingthefacts.blogspot.com/2012/02/eating-disorders-awareness-week-2012.html