Minorities and Men

Are you hiding from "Hungry"?

Pull down the blinds!  Close the drawers!  You don't know where you might find "hungry."  Alert the authorities; adults are feeling themselves hounded by a little creature and by the sensation of hunger!

You may seen commercials on television urging you to guard against the presence of an annoying little creature.  Almost if "stalked" by hunger...it is likened to an eating disorder symptom where hunger never goes away despite one's best efforts.  While healthy eating is suggested in the commercial, the message overall is disturbing.

Hunger is natural. That we must not ever forget.  In an eating disorder, a plethora of emotions accompany the presence of hunger.  The commercials mimic some of the very thoughts one might have.  

In this world we use the word "hunger" in many contexts, but to admit hunger for food and listen to our body's own signals for hunger is something that we often pervert through mindless eating, dieting, restricting or overeating.  If you hear yourself say, "I can't be hungry yet; I'm mad that I'm already hungry; or I wasn't hungry, but it was so good that I had to have more" those are signs of manipulating hunger.

Mindful eating is about eating when hungry and stopping when full.  Eat without distractions.  Listen to your body.  Don't hide from hunger.  Don't hide from anything anymore.

Peace be with you.

Debunking the myths...

I realize that I have been blogging for a while, yet there are some core journal articles, people and populations I've yet to discuss.  One thing I do wish to do today is debunk some myths about eating disorders.

We are coming into February, during which the last week has been set aside as National Eating Disorders Awareness Week; but for me, every week is this week.  I am proud of those I am able to help and humbled each day to live a strong life in recovery.  

On with the myths:

1.  Eating disorders occur only in white teenage populations.  It is still taught in medical schools that the average patient will present as a white female with the result being that practitioners are often not keeping an eye out for multiple illnesses (Bulimia Nervosa or Binge Eating Disorder) and varied ethnicities.

2.  This is a woman's problem.  Multiple men are now stepping to the plate and talking about their battle with anorexia, bulimia and binge eating.  There are books available and more residential treatment options as well in therapists more equipped to deal with the special needs of men.

3.  People with eating disorders are thin.  Someone may present with bulimia, ED NOS, or BED at a variety of sizes.  Size is a criteria for Anorexia only.

4. People with eating disorders had families that didn't love them.  The etiology of eating disorder is multifactorial in nature and is made up of a combination of genetic, social and environmental factors.  We need to look to parents to be part of the solution if possible. 

5.  People with eating disorders have borderline personality disorder.  While there has been healthy debate among clinicians about this due to self harm behaviors, recklessness, poor relationships, suicidal gestures, at this point, the final word is not in.  For many, the eating disorder started during adolescence before full formation of identify and personality.  It may be hasty to label borderline (or affective dysregulation) when someone is arrested developmentally and emotionally.

6.  There is little hope for recovery.  There are many people who would gladly be willing to be the myth buster on this one.  Recovery is real and it can and does happen.  Like a plant, recovery must be tended and watered in order for it to blossom.  That blossom, represents the knowledge you gain when you live a recovered life.  Most of all that there are many layers of recovery.  Recovery from food.  Bad relationships with friends.  Recovering from low esteem, etc.

Peace be with you

Tomorrow is a new day, but why wait?

There is a frenetic pace in the air this time of year.  The cereal, magazine and gym commercials are on television luring in fresh prey, the grocery stores are emptied of the items that the commercials instructed people to buy and for at least this day, week or even two everyone will be on their "best behavior." 

There is never anything special about Monday, even the first Monday of the new year.  For the "all or nothing thinkers", "I'll start over in the morning" means that only perfection will do.  If your child made a mistake in her homework, would you take the page from her and make her start over?

While I don't usually make resolutions, I will suggest one:  Promise to open yourself to the possibility of changing your life direction when the moment calls for it.  Don't wait.  Why wait?  Why make your life about weight and calories?  Open your life to positivity.  Change is difficult, but often necessary.

If you think of baseball, a player is considered really good if he has a batting average of over .300.  Ty Cobb played from 1905-1928 and still holds the record at .367. That means that he didn't get on base roughly 2 out of 3 times he was at bat.  I doubt anyone thinks Ty failed.  In fact, it's pretty impressive that the record still stands.  Goes to show 1 out of 3 pretty great!

Allow yourself to make mistakes and to strike out.  It doesn't mean that you won't still be a superstar.  Recovery and changing habits is tough work that requires patience and kindness to self. 

Peace be with you.

The Worst Thing Ever Happened...and I Survived. Part 2 of 2

One of the legs on my Christmas tree stand broke this week while it was being trimmed.  I was devastated.  

While this was not what I originally intended to write for the second part of this series, I thought it fit the message.  

As I recounted the story to people I laughed (as did they), telling them the tree was infirmed and it wasn't certain if it could be patched or another tree should be bought at this late date.  My underlying thought was that I didn't think that I wanted a tree that was "patched" or taped.  I wanted a "good" tree even though the first thought was that putting a little tape on the stand would just get it through this year.

Life is always what happens when you are making plans and sometimes life makes you deal with a "broken" Christmas tree.  While I admit to losing heart that day, I did end up"patching" the tree.  In strange ways, you are reminded that there is no perfection.

Life is not black or white.  There is no all or nothing.  I had already decided the plan B and C when it broke.  Recovery will take a spirit of survival when you least expect that you need it.  

Like your Christmas tree breaking, things will be funny later or when you tell someone else, even if they aren't funny in the moment.  After all, who has ever heard of someone's Christmas tree breaking?  

I'm enjoying my fabulous tree. Enjoy the little imperfections in your life.

Peace be with you.

The Worst Thing Ever Happened...and I Survived. Part 1 of 2

While at the bookstore, I saw a book titled, "The Worst Case Survival Handbook."  In full disclosure, I've never read the book and cannot recommend it, but I liked the title.  It also provides teachable moments.

As we move in life, the unexpected does happen.  When these unexpected events occur, often times we feel ourselves knocked for a loop and shaken.  Instead of getting up and planting our feet, we get on the haunted ride of the vicious circle which is fueled by our core beliefs.  Then things start to spiral.

In CBT, we aim to recognize black and white thinking and core beliefs.  Imagine a book in jest about the worst things that could ever happen and how to get yourself out of them.  What if in life we did the same thing? 

Through recovery, we learn to deal with disappointments and have a plan B ahead of time just in case things don't work out the way we planned.  Sometimes we have to have a plan C, D, and E.  We might not make it into the college of our dreams on the first try, that's why many people apply to more than one college. 

Learning to be flexible and how to adapt to changes and fluctuations is the key to survival.

"The Nile", and the role of Defense Mechanisms

We've all heard it, "Denial is not just a river in Egypt."  Not only is the Nile the only river in Egypt, but denial is an oft used defense mechanism for sufferers of eating disorders.

Defense mechanisms in and of themselves are not always pathological.  It is only those that are "immature" in nature and keep people in their eating disorder that are harmful.  Far too often, sufferers may hear of a peer becoming gravely ill and tell themselves, "It cannot happen to me," or "I'll stop before that happens...I'm not that sick."  How will you know?

To test if a thought is rational, say it aloud.  If it doesn't make sense or you cannot repeat it to someone else, it bears further thought.

Distortion causes the misreading of social cues and their own body.  This is also from the malnutrition and the obsessive nature of the eating disorder itself.

Even within the pain of therapy and eating disorder treatment, more positive defenses can be employed.  Anticipation of uncomfortable events such as meals can be dampened through making a joke of the fear that exists.  This allows for planning such as finding a meal buddy to get through the tough times.  

Defend your right to have a healthy body and mind.

Eating Disorders: It is time for African Americans to talk about it

Sitting with a colleague after work, I asked, "Do you know anyone who is African American and has an eating disorder?"  My colleague, who is aware of my history, sat back in her chair and without pause said yes.  Then I asked a follow up question that I rarely ever do..."Do they consider themselves eating disordered?" A quick "Oh heavens no" came my way.  This wasn't a surprise, but it was as if I heard it anew.  After a long pause, I asked "why we don't ever talk about it," and we just shared a smile and a shrug of the shoulder.

"I cannot have an eating disorder, I'm African American.  We aren't supposed to get eating disorders.  We don't get eating disorders. What does that mean about me and my cultural identity?" Nothing.  It means you have an eating disorder and you need treatment.

I understood.  I understood all too well.  Not only is admitting that you have an eating disorder one of the bravest acts that a sufferer can ever do (in fact some people don't say it until it can be phrased in the past tense), but to admit an eating disorder when you don't fit the "mold" is still simply unconscionable for some. Being an African American with an eating disorder does not take away from your identification with your ethnic heritage unless you let it.

The Soundtrack of your life

When feeling morose (yes morose, not down, sad, depressed or upset, but morose), there's a tendency to reach for the songs that only deepen those feelings.  You all know them.  I won't list any.  You all know the artists with the hallowed appearances that match their ever so haunting voices.  You play these songs over and again because the pain resonates.  Well, in my family there is a name for this; we call them "Depression Soundtracks."

Thinking more about the concept of those who must play this music in order to express what it is they are feeling, or to make themselves cry; I think about addiction and eating disorders.  How many times have we said, "Voices not bodies?"  While finding a song that you relate to is wonderful, writing those words or even saying them is simply splendid.  When you can do that, you are making the steps towards recovery.

Challenge yourself to come up with a soundtrack of happier songs.  You don't have to go full throttle into "I'm Walking on Sunshine," by Katrina and the Waves, but Des'ree's "You Gotta Be" and certainly Natasha's Bedingfield's, "Unwritten" is great. 

Variety is important and necessary.  Your life is not monotone and solely filled with sad songs; neither should you listen to them daily. Everyday is a new opportunity and a fresh start.

Let's start a list of happier songs to get the ball rolling!  Enjoy!

The beauty of recovery (part one of too many to count)

Sitting around the table at a function, it was revealed that others had histories of eating disorders.  One woman mentioned that she had a wedding coming up.  She bemoaned having to diet for the upcoming summer.  I asked why?  Everyone looked at me as if I had 2 heads.  (Duh).  The dress she ordered was in a different size. 

People talked of living for that one moment when they would be happy, or remembering when they were happy.  The beauty of recovery is that I am happy now.  At peace.  Imperfections and flaws do still exist, but they don't rule my day. A four leaf clover is an anomaly, but we consider it lucky. Go figure.

Occasionally, I make my patients laugh with a silly line I heard in Kung Fu Panda, "Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present!"  Even I roll my eyes when I hear it.  But it is truly a gift. 

Recovery makes you cherish each day and live in the present, not for the summer when you might be a different size or yesterday when you thought you were happy, but today, when you can truly effect change. 

Enjoy your gift.

Truthtelling* by Glamour Magazine--This month's review

Years ago, I never thought I'd ever write something positive about what appeared on the pages of Glamour magazine.  I admit that I looked at its pages wistfully, as it regularly featured models and fashions of only a certain size, a size I wasn't. 

I've come to recognize after perusing this magazine (and similar magazines) for years I knew that much of what was featured diet and exercise-wise was recycled.  Fashion trends also cycle as well as preference in body shape...to a point.  After all, no one is petitioning to bring back the women of Rubens' era, just using "plus size" models with airbrushing; with plus size being generally women of smaller than "average size." 

The question Glamour correctly asks in its November 2009 issue is, "Is this want we really want to see?" It is based on the the age old question of, "What do women want?" At times we complain that models are too thin and unrealistic; take for example recent Ralph Lauren airbrushing where the model's head was the same width as her waist.  Yet, we do like fantasy and don't always want to be confronted by the truth.

We are a culture that is bred on Cinderella, Snow White, Barbie and Slim Fast.  We need to know that someday our Prince will come.  We want to look in the Mirror on the wall and have it tell us that we are the fairest of them all.  Can we really tolerate our models actually looking like us? After all, Disney has the Magic Kingdom, not the Magic Living Room.