Life After Recovery

It’s Not About Control

Aren’t eating disorders about control?  I’ve lost count of the times people have said this to me, in the most well intentioned, if smugly certain, tone of voice.  They’re not asking the question but telling me what they believe, such as:

• ·         You have to be a control freak to have an ED.
• ·         You have to have self-control to have an ED.
• ·         If you have an ED you’ll try to control everyone around you.

Sometimes what they believe dovetails with what they think they’ve observed in their own families or friends. Sometimes it’s based on tabloid stories of anorexic or bulimic celebrities.  Regardless, the remark always makes my blood boil.

Of course, EDs are about control, but the force that’s in control is the disorder, not the individual.  It’s like saying diabetes, or cancer, or tuberculosis is all about control!  The illness controls your life, not the other way around.  But that’s never what the uninitiated mean when they say EDs are “all about control.”

What makes EDs so insidious is that they turn the sufferer into a slave puppet, acting out the pathology of the illness in ways that make it appear as if the puppet is choosing to exert hyper control over every morsel of food, every second of exercise, every calorie, every drop, every ounce in her universe.  Worse, they convince the sufferer – at least initially – that she is in control.  And she seizes on that illusion because, in truth, she feels utterly powerless, lost, even paralyzed.

Consider the people most likely to develop EDs.  The genetic vulnerability for anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating often coincides with a genetic tendency toward anxiety disorders.  Victims of trauma – especially childhood trauma – frequently develop EDs.  And EDs often accompany other serious psychological illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia.  Yet no one ever says that these conditions are “about control.”  In fact, it’s widely understood that when a person is severely depressed or suffering a panic attack or post-traumatic stress disorder, personal control is profoundly absent.  So how can a person who has no control be controlling?

This is the paradox that defines eating disorders.  The individual suffering from an eating disorder is as fragile and vulnerable as the little man pretending to be the Wizard of Oz -- and just as fearful of being exposed.  So she hides behind her behavior.  She encourages others to think that her “problem” is too much control.  She lies to herself that her ED is a sign of great inner discipline and willpower. Anything to avoid being revealed as the mute, frightened, uncertain, and needy human being she knows herself to be.  Anything to avoid being outed as an ordinary mortal with hungers, weaknesses, and flaws  -- because one of ED’s lies is that these normal vulnerabilities are somehow shameful.   

In truth, eating disorders aren’t about control any more than they are about eating.  What they are about is the flailing of lonely souls undone by feelings of helplessness, longing, and terror. 

Self-discipline is a masquerade as impressive and misleading as the Wizard’s pretense of control over Oz.  Unfortunately, it takes more than the clicking of heels for people in the throes of EDs to get back home to their true selves, but the first step for them and those who love them is to understand that control is neither the problem nor the solution.  It is a door that must be opened so the person hiding inside can at last emerge, announce herself, and come fully into her own unruly life.

 

 

LIVE, LOVE, EAT!

Forgive the hiatus on this blog, folks.  I’ve been off in the wilds of Washington teaching creative writing to my Goddard MFA students. Plus I’ve been buried in a writing project that’s taken over my life.

But I’ve been watching a thread on one of my listservs about the largely unspoken linkage between the various food movements and the eating disorders world.  Advocates for slow food and locally grown food are beginning to align themselves with the folks who promote intuitive eating, and all these groups support activists and researchers such as Yale’s Kelly Brownell Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy , who are fighting Big Fast Corporate Food.

Simultaneously, I’ve been corresponding with a woman who has a long history of eating disorders – as well as organic farming, fishing, and wilderness living.   Her perspective reminds me that the fixation on food with eating disorders can assume countless masks – including masks that appear noble, wholesome, and healthy to anyone who does not struggle with eating disorders. 

For people with eating disorders, the ultimate challenge is not to eat better or even more wisely, but to bring food and weight into perspective within a balanced and authentic life.  The most difficult aspect of this question of slow/local/responsible food advocacy for folks with eating disorder histories is the emotion that’s driving the advocacy.  When people engage in these movements out of fear or anger, they will only play into the eating disorder, producing more obsession, restriction, and imbalance.  If, on the other hand, the advocacy is driven by love of the outdoors, passion for gardening, delight in fresh and healthy eating, connection to farmers and food producers, and a sense of genuine community involvement, well then, what’s not to like?

Alas, there’s no simple single answer.  It comes down to the individual. And the question each of us has to ask ourselves is, what do we love?  What makes us feel more connected, more grounded, more centered, and more whole?  How do we best express ourselves?  How do we feel most engaged in life and our communities?  For some people, food is the fuel we need to pursue our true passions.  For others, food preparation, production, study, or policy may be the true passion – or a big part of it.   But as with beauty and fashion, one size does NOT fit all, nor should it.

In one of my projects, I’ve been writing about the chef Wolfgang Puck, who has quite a remarkable story of his own.  He fled an abusive stepfather as a boy and found refuge in the kitchens of restaurants in his native Austria, then rose to become one of the most successful chefs and entrepreneurs in America.  And I think the motto he’s created speaks volumes about the priorities that have made him this gigantic success.  It’s a motto – in just this order –that we would all do well to embrace: LIVE – LOVE – EAT

Wolfgang's book

 

Open Letter to Michelle Obama

With permission from Susan Paxton, president of the Academy for Eating Disorders, I would like to share with you the letter recently sent to Mrs. Obama in support of her efforts to improve the nutritional habits of Americans -- without focusing on "ideal" weights.  I love that the eating disorder organizations are getting together around this issue for the sake of people on all sides of the issue.

Here is the letter:

Academy for Eating Disorders – Binge Eating Disorder Assoc. – Eating Disorder Coalition –

International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals – National Eating Disorders Assoc.

 

January 7, 2009

 

Michelle Obama, First Lady of the United States

 

Dear Mrs. Obama:

 

This letter is written on behalf of several organizations representing clinicians, researchers, educators and others concerned with the impact of eating disorders on the health and well-being of children, adolescents and adults. These organizations include the Academy for Eating Disorders (AED), the Binge Eating Disorder Association (BEDA), the Eating Disorder Coalition (EDC), the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (iaedp), and the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA).

 

First, we would like to applaud your plan to develop an initiative to promote healthy lifestyle habits in children. We agree that this is vitally important, but we believe the emphasis should be on behavior rather than weight. We would like to offer our support in helping to develop a program based on the latest scientific evidence and best clinical practices to ensure the optimal outcomes for your efforts.

 

In this spirit, we are including links to resources that summarize key points we would like to share with you. In addition, leading experts in the field would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to facilitate the development of an evidence-based proposal/strategy to address this important health issue.

 

Unfortunately, many strategies in the global “war against obesity” have had unintentional negative consequences. Eating disorder organizations assert that the well-intentioned, but under-informed and unproven strategy of focusing on weight fuels weight-prejudice and neglects groups which may be in equal need of improving their health and lifestyle. There is also the concern that these programs may contribute to negative self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and eating disordered behaviors. Weight alone does not provide the full picture regarding health status; consideration of lifestyle, activity patterns, and physical and mental health measures are extremely important. Further, assuming illness based on weight alone, without proven cause and effect, may lead to harmful and discriminatory practices.

 

National and international eating disorder organizations have joined forces to recommend that health professionals, school administrators, employers, and health policy makers focus more on health and lifestyle for all populations rather than on weight.

 

· The AED has developed “Guidelines for Obesity Prevention Programs” (http://www.aedweb.org/media/Guidelines.cfm), which are intended to address potential issues in combating rising weights.

 

· Additionally, the EDC has developed talking points regarding BMI testing (http://www.eatingdisorderscoalition.org/documents/TalkingpointsBMI.pdf).

 

We request that our representatives have an opportunity to meet with the involved members of White House staff about this planned initiative and offer our feedback. We would like to be able to endorse your program and help promote it.

 

Sincerely,

 

Susan Paxton, Ph.D., President, AED

Lynn Grefe, CEO, NEDA

Jeanine Cogan, Ph.D., Policy Director, EDC

Chevese Turner, President, BEDA

Bonnie Harken, Managing Director, iaedp

 

 

 

 

The Right Words for Obama Girls

My mailbox is filling up with concern over reports that the Obamas are putting their daughters on a diet and referring publicly to the girls' weight.

I missed this as it went past, so I dug back in the press for the facts:

Michelle Obama’s Agenda Includes Healthful Eating
“A couple of years ago — you’d never know it by looking at her now — Malia was getting a little chubby,” Mr. Obama told the magazine.

They took action, Mrs. Obama said, when “her doctor — he really monitors this type of thing — suggested we look at her diet. So we cut out juice boxes, sweets and processed foods.”

I'll trust the New York Times and say that these remarks make me cringe for the Obama daughters.  As anyone who's ever even flirted with eating disordered behavior knows, this kind of "concerned" scrutiny of a young girl's body and weight can ignite a very dangerous and misguided obsession with achieving the unattainable -- physical "perfection."

This is why the leading Eating Disorders organizations have sent a joint letter to Michelle Obama to alert her to the elements of her Healthful Eating agenda that are misguided -- especially the emphasis on weight as a source of concern. (I will post this letter as soon as I receive permission.)

But it is important that we not lose sight of the positives in Mrs. Obama's approach.  To her credit, her solution is not to put her daughters or anyone else on a "diet," or to prescribe exercise regimens. Her solution is to encourage healthier, more nutritious eating and a more active lifestyle.  Her advisors are folks like Alice Waters, who LOVE to eat well.  And her goal is to help Americans break the spell of Big Food and Fast Food, and start eating healthily, locally, mindfully, and responsibly.

There is not doubt that America has an obesity crisis.  Excess weight is the symptom of a lot of different underlying problems, and Mrs. Obama seems determined to confront many of these problems head on.  That's to her credit.

We just need to educate her about the words she and her husband choose, especially when speaking publicly about their own girls.  "Health" is a word we can all get behind.  "Chubby," "perfect," "overweight," and "diet" should be consigned to the scrap heap of bad habits, along with bingeing, purging, and counting calories.