Turning Points

Virtually every person I’ve ever met who has recovered from an eating disorder can recall the particular moment that turned them back toward health.  Whether they thought it, felt it, heard it, or read it, they knew in that instant that they’d had enough!  Enough hunger.  Enough isolation, pain, and fear.  Enough acting out of shame and emptiness for one lifetime, and then some.

The particulars of the turning point are different for every individual.  I recently received a note from a young woman who had just lost her beloved grandfather; this first confrontation with the reality of death allowed her to see that she did not want to go where her eating disorder was leading her.   Others have confided that their turns came when they had to choose between enduring sickness and love for a partner, a child, or even a pet – and love won.  Still others have been inspired by more ephemeral forces – a transcendent moment of faith or a glimpse of beauty or purpose so profound that it rendered senseless their drive toward darkness 

Sometimes the turning point prompts immediate action and, with quality treatment, a smooth recovery.  More often, what follows is a gradual, fitful, and uncertain journey back to health.  The road to recovery may be lined with false turns, but once you’ve hit a true turning point, you can’t mistake it.  What distinguishes such moments is their stark emotional authenticity.  Whether it leaves you feeling shaken to your knees, or ignited from within, the experience unmistakably compels you to turn your death march back toward life.

 

Turning points are difficult, if not impossible, to predict or command.  But typically they do require two seemingly opposite emotional ingredients: acute distress, and hope.    Hope without distress only tends to perpetuate the illusion that an eating disorder will resolve on its own; and distress without hope only intensifies the despair that already surrounds the illness.  Fortunately, there are as many sources of hope in the world as there are causes of distress.  And when we are most in need, we often pay attention to signals that otherwise would pass us by. 

Following the publication of Gaining I was profoundly touched by the number of readers who wrote to tell me that my book had sparked their turning points.  I think one reason is that the book counteracted the sense, so pervasive among those in the throes of eating disorders, that no one else in the universe has ever experienced this struggle, and certainly no one has ever succeeded in recovering.  These ideas could not be farther from the truth.  The fact is, eating disorders strip away the vitality and passion that make human beings unique.  To a tragic degree, every person with an eating disorder is living the same lusterless life, thinking the same obsessive thoughts, and going through the same compulsive motions.  Recovery, however, follows many different courses.  And many who succeed in springing themselves from the cage of their illness have no desire to return or even reflect back upon that dark place.  They may be afraid, as I once was, of turning into a “professional anorexic or bulimic.”  That does not mean the recovered don’t exist.  To the contrary, the vast majority of people who struggle with eating disorders eventually do get well.  Recovery rates are highest among those who reach their turning points early in the course of their illness and are treated by qualified eating disorder specialists.

The internal voice that perpetuates eating disorders tells all sorts of lies.  The very notion that achieving a “perfect” weight will “solve” other problems is a lie!  But the isolation and alienation that protect these illnesses are equally dangerous lies because they make it so difficult to trust and reach out for help.  Sometimes it’s easier to relate to a stranger, the author of a book or a voice on the radio.  Sometimes it can seem so difficult to turn the corner that only a supernatural or spiritual occurrence could make it happen.  The great news is that such occurrences happen every day.  The key is to pay attention and listen for the sound of a different voice – one that is quiet, compassionate, forgiving, and honest.  That different voice does not belong to your eating disorder.  It belongs to you. 

Comments

[cindy]

I just finished reading your book Gaining and loved it. I could relate to so many things in the stories that were shared. Thank you for writing such an honest, real book about eating disorders.

[Aly]

I would like to know where you got the information that the vast majority of girls with eating disorders eventually get better? I was in treatment two years ago and they told us exactly the opposite.

I remember this distinctly because I was in a very good place and in group session I went on a little soapbox about how we could change the statistic instead of becoming a statistic.

If by "eventually get better" you take eventually to mean 6-10 years after choosing to recover, said recovered person actually succeeds in not binging or purging or restricting or taking laxatives or overexercising, then, yeah, maybe you can say they are "recovered" but the truth of the matter is, eating disorders are primarily mental issues, and the struggle to fight against negative thoughts about body, food, and lapsing back into the ED will probably be a lifelong one.

Regardless, I hope your book does well.