"Normal" Eating

Foodies

2008-09-05T05:41:49-07:00

I’m intrigued by “foodies.” As I understand the word, it refers to people who are enamored with food. They love the thought of it, its wondrous variety, how it looks and smells and tastes and feels going down. They have an appreciation for fine food, including its exemplary preparation and high quality. Does their relationship with food increase or decrease eating problems among them? An interesting question.

Not being a foodie (and coming from a non-foodie lineage), I can’t speak on the subject from personal experience. My expectation for food is what some have called low. It need be (not necessarily in this order): nutritious most but not all of the time, accessible, palatable, and have sticking power. If it makes my taste buds sing, all well and good. When I talk with foodies, however, I know they have an utterly different experience. They notice subtleties of flavor, texture, and presentation which I don’t. Food is special to them, not just for fuel and occasional pleasure.

This makes me suspect that there is something different about the taste buds of foodies that gives them an appreciation I’ll never have. I’m not talking about questions of good or bad here, only wondering if being a foodie doesn’t make it harder to eat “normally” than if one has less enthusiasm for food in general. Then again, I know of a foodie (a former personal chef) who enjoys food, but doesn’t have an eating problem. All the other self-proclaimed foodies I’ve known tend to run into trouble with food. Which came first, I wonder, the passion for food that makes it hard not to be drawn toward it, or a disregulated relationship with food that causes preoccupation and obsession with it?

I expect it’s not just the taste buds of foodies that get a kick out of fine cuisine, but that they may have different brain wiring. The pleasure center of their brains may light up brighter than that of non-foodies when eating delicious fare. They may produce more excitatory chemicals than those of us who are plain-Jane eaters. Just as some people get turned on by fine art or exceptional dance, foodies may get their thrills (on a physiological level) from what goes from plate to palate. I’ve also noticed that some people who call themselves foodies eat slowly and enjoy their food while others don’t. And I know that positive associations to food make foodies more inclined toward it and that these memories seem part of the foodie experience.

If you consider yourself a foodie, take a minute to reflect on what you base this assessment and whether you really adore food or simply love the idea of eating it.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

PLEASE NOTE: I encourage you to comment on my blogs and will do my best to address topics/questions you raise in future blogs. I cannot provide individual responses, but encourage you to post your questions and comments on The Food and Feelings Workbook message board at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings.

Struggle Harder

2008-09-02T05:23:28-07:00

Through my decades of experience with disregulated eaters, I’ve concluded that the #1 problem in a stalled or slow recovery is that you don’t struggle hard enough with your food demons. You make efforts here and there to not eat when you’re not hungry or to stop when you’re full, but more often than not, you’re sporadic in your thrusts, give in to food abuse urges too easily, then wonder why you’re still stuck in unhealthy behaviors.

In my March 9 and June 1, 2007 blogs, I wrote about the value of struggle, the process which, along with insight, curiosity, and self-compassion, is essential in developing skills for “normal” eating. When you’re trying to overcome a longstanding eating disorder, you can’t just tilt at recovery half-heartedly. Any and all encounters which might lead to food have to be a pitched battle. If you want to learn to eat sanely, each time you have the urge to nosh when you’re not hungry, every instance of deciding what to eat, any time you want to eat past full must turn into a full-blown debate with yourself. If you simply have the idea, Gee I’d like some Nachos even though I just finished a huge dinner 20 minutes ago, and give in immediately, you’re doomed to dysfunctional eating. No amount of therapy, reading, group sharing, or journal writing will change that fact.

Whenever food pops into your head, you must engage in a full-court press and spend time struggling to come out on the healthy side of a decision. You may spend 10 minutes arguing with yourself about whether to have that third chocolate chip cookie or deciding if you should finish the other half of your egg salad sandwich because you’re approaching full. You need to go back and forth about leaving one donut—even one-half of one--in the box or one spoonful of ice cream in the bottom of the container. You need to feel big time discomfort, agonize, and fight the good fight with yourself 24/7.

You don’t have to win each skirmish to win the war. The act of struggling—reflecting, consciously considering options, and giving the healthy part of you opportunity to be heard—is what develops decision-making skills and good judgment. The goal is to quit acting impulsively and giving in right away and to build emotional muscle. If you debate with yourself for 15 minutes about whether to finish the leftover lasagna because it’s midnight and you don’t want to go to sleep and go on to eat it, that 15 minutes had value because you put in a valiant effort even if you didn’t make a healthy choice. You are in a war between the unhealthy and healthy parts of yourself and war is serious business. Don’t let one eating opportunity pass without bloodying yourself. Down the road, when the war is over, you can sit back and enjoy the spoils of “normal” eating.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Mind Over Biology

2008-08-29T05:57:07-07:00

The more I read about eating and weight, the more it appears that genetic loading and biology heavily predispose folks to overeat or be fat. When I talk with clients about genetic tendencies and biochemical imbalances, some are relieved that there’s a cause for decades of food struggle and others are bummed out, feeling branded for life. Whatever the cause of food problems, everyone can change their thinking, which ultimately produces healthier attitudes and more constructive behavior around food.

There are a host of factors that may predispose you to overeating and overweight: hormone deficiencies (e.g., ghrelin and leptin) regarding hunger and fullness, early biochemical damage due to trauma and stress, genetic abnormalities (e.g., possessing a gene variant that messes with the brain’s reward signal or one that helps you store fat more efficiently), or an imbalance of the right kind of gut microbes. You can take in this information and feel doomed, or register it with a grain of salt and live by the philosophy that you’ll still do whatever you can to improve your eating.

Although it’s true that due to imbalances in neurotransmitters such as serotonin, GABA, dopamine, and norepinephrine, not everyone has the same ability to manage feelings, so far I haven’t read any research that says there’s a biological reason people can’t change their thinking. Sure, it’s more difficult for some than others, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you’re someone who has the deck stacked against you in the eating or weight department, that means you’ll have to work harder than the next person to reach your goals. You can either be upset about this discrepancy or become more determined, and whichever path you take will generate success or failure.

How many of you who want to eat more sanely spend 30 minutes a day working on changing your beliefs? 15 minutes? 1 minute? My hunch is that very few of you put a great deal of energy, if any, into this activity. Instead, you focus on behavior and get frustrated when it doesn’t change. I know from decades of clinical experience that if you spend even 10 minutes every day identifying irrational beliefs, reframing them to rational, and saying them in front of a mirror aloud that your food behavior will start to improve. Change starts with your thinking, no matter what your biological problems are that contribute to eating difficulties or obesity. Commit to establishing a healthy belief system and spend time daily getting your head straight about food. If you’re unwilling, admit it, and accept that you are keeping yourself stuck. Try to understand why you don’t want to do belief work, resolve the issue, then get started changing your thinking.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Readiness

2008-08-25T05:31:26-07:00

Sometimes you think you’re ready to change your eating behavior, but there’s so much else going on in your life that takes precedence. Frequently you need to get other parts straightened out to free up energy to put into resolving food problems. If you’re struggling with difficult situations or they’re contributing to food abuse, you may have to step back from eating work until you resolve them effectively.

For example, maybe you’re really unhappy in your job. Day after day you dread going into work because you’re overworked and undervalued or bored silly. Or your boss is an ogre and belittles you at every opportunity. Or you don’t feel accepted and liked by your co-workers. Yes, you can change your thinking about these situations to relieve some of the pressure, but you’re still going to be consumed by work problems until you make changes. Make them and it may be easier to eat “normally.”

Or maybe you’re lonely and depressed and can’t seem to make friends or find a life partner. Trying to change your eating is only working on managing the symptom. Profound loneliness or depression needs to be addressed head on--then you can put your attention on eating behaviors. If you don’t, you’re placing the cart before the horse. You won’t be able to move forward until you take care of your underlying problems.

Perhaps you feel stuck in a bad marriage or relationship and eat out of feeling bitter, frustrated, conflicted, or full of regrets. It may be almost impossible to stop disordered eating under those conditions, that is, feeling terrible about yourself and your situation day after miserable day. If food is your response to emotional pain, it’s likely to continue to be unless you alter your circumstances. Plus so much of your energy is being used up in just getting through a day, how much do you really have left over to focus on changing your eating? Not much, I’d bet.

Take some time to consider the underlying situations which cause you to eat, particularly the chronic ones you aren’t addressing—having hurtful people in your life, your job, your kids, your partner, your living quarters, your neighbors, or your community. If you’re barely managing to tread water, you simply won’t have the commitment, fortitude, and focus you need to change your beliefs and behaviors around food. That’s tremendously hard work in the best of situations. As AA says, first things first, but in this case, that doesn’t mean eliminating the symptom. It means taking care of other business so that you can finally resolve your eating issues.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Sugar and Cravings

2008-08-22T05:42:53-07:00

An article in Environmental Nutrition (July 2008, vol. 31, No. 7) confirms that although sugar and sugary foods taste good and it can be hard to stop eating them, “you cannot get physiologically addicted to sweet foods.” Their studies conclude that “a craving for sweets…is the result of conditioning based on cultural, social, and individual cues.” More evidence that food is not physiologically addictive. That doesn’t mean you don’t feel as if you’re addicted to sugar. What you suffer from, however, is not an addiction, but a dependence.

There have been controversies for decades about whether or not sugar is addictive. A study described in the article explains its negative conclusions this way: When people are addicted to a substance, getting that substance eliminates or reduces the craving (think heroin addicts getting high on a fix or alcoholics who feel great from a drink). However, when people craving chocolate were given a pill containing all its physical properties, it did not reduce cravings. Only the actual sensory perception of chocolate—eating it, not merely taking in its chemical components—did that.

Here’s the skinny on sugar. Back in primitive times, sugar was greatly prized, generally as honey, because it was full of highly concentrated calories and was an indicator that foods were safe to eat (as opposed to bitter foods which were often poisonous or otherwise dangerous). Sugar helped our species survive. Even today, we have an innate desire for it. Infants are born with a yen for it because, contrary to the belief that it makes kids hyper, it actually generates production of serotonin which relaxes us. Studies also show that sugar can act as a pain reliever in infants. So we’re programmed from the get go to love things that are sweet.

So, what to do? The article says (and I agree) that we need to retrain our brains and bodies to make peace with sugar. Don’t eat sugary treats at the same time every day which creates a time- or place-specific craving. Don’t save sweets for special occasions or rigidly deprive yourself of them, because you’ll only overindulge when you do have them. Researchers conclude that “you have to find a happy medium, which means having some sweets in your life, but controlling their intake.” And, you learn to do this how? By only eating sweets when you have a craving for them. By eating small amounts at a time. By savoring them slowly with absolutely no distractions. By letting them sit on your tongue so your taste buds can do their job. By staying conscious and stopping eating when you recognize you are satisfied. By making sugar friend, not foe.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Body Think

2008-08-18T05:53:42-07:00

It's a real drag that most women’s assumptions about their bodies run on only two channels: either positive or negative. Positive thoughts go something like this: Boy, I look great today, I’m really thin, That new wrinkle cream makes me appear years younger, You can hardly see my cellulite when my weight is down, I love how slim this dress makes me look. Negative thoughts go like: who am I kidding—we all know too well the evil thoughts about our bodies. It seems we’re either at one extreme or the other. Wouldn’t it be nice to simply take our bodies for granted in a healthy way (like most men do) and stop living our lives around how they look to us and others?

Although it’s a lot healthier for us not to obsess about how bad we look and dump on ourselves for having fat, flab, love handles, or cellulite, it’s not much better to habitually get all whooped up about how absolutely fabulous we look either—because then we’re terrified of losing that feeling. Many of us believe that if we don’t keep giving ourselves reassurance that we look great (if we ever think we do), or get it from others, it won’t be true. We flip from one emotion to the other—self-hate to excess pride back to self-hate, etc.

Wouldn’t it be a relief to not get stuck at either end of the spectrum? To go to the beach, play tennis, arrive at a business meeting, head out on a date, wear a new outfit, step on the doctor’s scale, workout, attend a parent-teacher conference, go clothes shopping, jog, dine out, or travel to a family reunion without obsessing about how we’re presenting ourselves. Frankly, I can’t even imagine it, and I bet most of you can’t either. What would fill our heads? What would we agonize and worry about if it weren’t whether we're too fat or not muscular enough or dressed right or looking particularly old or tired or gorgeous enough today?

For sure there would be a period of uncertainty, a vacuum created by a lack of body thoughts. Maybe we’d get anxious about other parts of our lives, things that really need attention. Maybe we’d think about the past and fill with regret for all our mistakes and failures. But, perhaps not. It’s equally possible that our heads would gradually fill up with our wishes, needs, goals, and yearnings. We might even start doing the things we’ve wanted to do for a long time if we hadn’t forgotten and let body think take the place of authentic brain activity. At the least, not thinking about our bodies would keep us present to whatever we’re doing and that, in itself, would be a huge step in the right direction. Make tomorrow “I refuse to think about my body” day and, if you like how you feel, keep up the boycott!

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Looking Beyond Anxiety

2008-08-15T06:53:08-07:00

When anxiety strikes, it may feel natural to get caught up in the “what ifs” of the future. Unfortunately, those “what ifs” can also drive you to eat or distract yourself with obsessing about food and weight. Rather than abuse food to deal with your angst, why not learn an easy technique that will calm you down and help you sail through difficult circumstances which ordinarily might upset you.

Generally, when you’re anxious, it’s because you’re concentrating on the event—a job interview, a visit from a difficult relative, or an upcoming colonoscopy. The more you think about the situation, the more anxious you get. You engage in this imagining or event rehearsal in an attempt to feel better, but end up feeling worse. That’s because you’re putting energy into the wrong aspect of the future.

Instead of focusing on the event, which escalates anxiety, visualize how you’re going to feel after it—generally, relieved or even proud. Let’s look at how you might apply this technique to the above examples. First, the job interview. Your instinct may be to worry about getting there on time, how you’ll come across, whether you’ll have the right responses, etc. Second, a visit from a difficult relative. You’ll probably fixate on whether you’ll get along, how you’re going to keep them entertained, finding time for yourself, and keeping your sanity. Third, a colonoscopy. You might zero in on the awful prep, potential anesthesia mistakes, or what the doc might find. In each instance, where you’re focusing your energy is certain to ratchet up your anxiety and keep it there.

Instead, imagine yourself after the job interview, the visit from your relative, or your colonoscopy. Picture yourself feeling relief after they’re over, and when I say picture, I mean ground yourself in visualizing the details of a positive aftermath. You’re getting into your car after the job interview, thrilled that it’s over. You’re waving goodbye to your difficult relative and feeling good for having made the effort to see them. You’re home post-colonoscopy feeling proud you got through it and took care of business, and relieved not to have to think of having another one for several years.

No matter what the reality or outcome of the event is, the idea is to decrease anxiety about it in the present. Repeat, what happens during or after the event is not relevant to regulating your anxiety beforehand. If you’re going to imagine something, it might as well be positive feelings which will relax you. Remember, you can’t change or control the future, only the present.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Sexuality

2008-08-11T05:50:41-07:00

A fascinating discussion about sexuality and body size is occurring on my message board (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings). Even though we live in a culture that’s considered out there with sex, the sad truth is that sexuality and intimacy get talked about very little among women. The subject gets raised even less frequently by women who are ashamed of their bodies because of their size. Hats off to those of you who are willing to take the plunge and think and talk about sex and weight.

No matter what their weight, most women have lots of conflicting feelings about sex, sexuality, and intimacy. After all, we’re supposed to be demur yet seductive and other mutually exclusive traits all at once. Then there’s the bombardment of cultural messages telling us that fat is repulsive and thin is alluring. Women who feel comfortable in their bodies at any weight are few and far between. I don’t know that I’ve met one who’s exceedingly overweight who came close to having that comfort.

It’s a complicated subject. Many overweight women say they feel more sexual when they’re thin. Some recognize that excess weight is a protection against their desire for sex. Sometimes remaining fat is a passive-aggressive way of getting back at a partner who’s hurt them. Sometimes staying fat defends against desiring a partner who’s not into sex. Other times it’s due to a fear of wanting someone who is not their partner. Whenever fears drive body size, it means there are unresolved internal conflicts going on. More often than not, it also means there’s something unkosher happening in a relationship that gets acted out through body size.

You may have difficulty considering these issues because they make you uncomfortable. Or you may feel you have no one to discuss them with. After you’ve spent time sorting out your own feelings and fears about sexuality and intimacy, try raising the subject with a close friend or family member. Don’t be afraid. Everyone thinks their own crazy thoughts are worse than everyone else’s, but they’re not. Treat yourself and seek out a therapist. We’re used to talking about sex without blushing and can help you untangle your mixed feelings and whatever’s going on in your relationship.

Sex should not be a taboo subject, but most of our religious training has made it so. My message board members have so inspired me to speak out on the subject that I intend to write more about weight and sex from now on. If we can talk about food being orgasmic, what’s wrong with talking about the real deal?

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Thd Down Side of the Up Side

2008-08-08T06:29:32-07:00

I sometimes run into delightful clients who are always straining to look on the bright side of life. They’re upbeat, positive, and prefer to see the good rather than the bad in people and situations. They’re the opposite of gloom and doomers who are certain to find the one cloud in an otherwise blue sky. Although you might think that being upbeat and seeing the good while ignoring the bad is a great way to be, it’s not. Both perspectives have pluses and minuses, but neither is a healthy way to be all the time.

Disregarding what’s negative can be as unhealthy as discounting what’s positive because it creates stress, and stress can lead to abusing food. Here are two examples. Suppose you meet a person who’s often rude, controlling, and critical of you. You might like the fact that this person is intellectually gifted, has a wry sense of humor, or stands up for the little guy, and you therefore might avoid noticing qualities which hurt you, such as his or her needing to be right or insisting on making all the decisions in the relationship. Or, in another example, let’s say that you’re dying to go to Bermuda because you’ve heard fabulous things about it and have found a great travel deal, but ignore the fact that you’ll be visiting in the midst of hurricane season. In each of these instances, your Pollyanna attitude puts you at risk by making you blind to reality.

People consistently avoid recognizing negatives for a few reasons. They may have been raised by parents with this perspective and know no other way to be. Moreover, because they’re so pleasant to be around, their sunny attitude gets reinforced. Or sometimes they’ve been raised by downbeat, pessimistic parents who unconsciously depended on them to brighten their sad, empty lives. Many were scolded for speaking negatively with comments such as, “Don’t say that,” “You don’t feel that way,” or “You mustn’t think/speak ill of others.” Hear that long enough and you’ll stop looking for or recognizing the downside of anything.

Mostly people who minimize or refuse to see what’s wrong and only see the what’s right do so because it’s uncomfortable for them to face reality squarely. Taking off the blinders is uncomfortable because it shakes ups their world and might mean making changes and create discomfort for others. Most of the time, this Pollyana attitude is so ingrained that folks don’t even realize they have it. A big tip off is stress eating when things don’t work out over and over. If you’re often disappointed and generally not getting what you want out of life, it’s time to consider that you might look at the world exclusively through rose-colored glasses—and take them off.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops

Educating About "Normal" Eating

2008-08-05T05:50:05-07:00

Because I'm petite and people know me as a specialist in eating disorders, when I dine with others, they often eye and comment upon my food consumptions. After decades of eating under a microscope, I’m used to it, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being scrutinized or having my food habits be the talk of the table. When you’re just starting down the road toward ”normal” eating and don’t yet have the self-trust or confidence—or the words—to respond effectively, the situation can be even harder.

Recently, I was at a party and passed on having what looked like a piece of very uninspiring, unexceptional birthday cake. Immediately, people misinterpreted my decision as self-denial, assuming that I was rejecting something deliciously fattening in order to stay slim. I took the opportunity to explain that I love sweets and generally eat small amounts daily, but that this particular cake had zero appeal to me. People looked at me as if they’d never considered that a “bad/forbidden” food need have appeal to be eaten! Feeling pressured, I took a thin slice and made a swipe at tasting the frosting. As I had expected, it was unappetizing and unenjoyable and I put down my fork.

At the other end of the spectrum, when I’m eating a high-calorie or high-fat food, people gape at how I can do such a thing and possibly “keep my figure,” based on the diet-think supposition that one must avoid sweets and carbs to maintain a healthy weight. This reaction happened to me at lunch several weeks ago when someone insisted that I “must” have a very rapid metabolism or exercise “all the time” to be able to consume foods like the slab of whole-grain bread with nuts and raisins I was swooning over. I explained that I rarely like the bread served in restaurants, but that this was exceptional and delicious.

Questions about eating can put those who are trying to eat “normally” on the defensive. Rather than take remarks personally, I try to use them as opportunities to educate. The goal is to calmly, neutrally explain “normal” or intuitive eating without being attached to the outcome that someone must understand or accept your explanation. Sadly, some folks repeatedly make the same remarks and ask the same questions of me about food whenever we’re dining together—as if I’d never shared my ideas about eating with them. I can’t help that.

My job is to eat what I want no matter what anyone else thinks or says, stay healthy, take care of myself emotionally, and help people understand that intuitive and “normal” eating are worthwhile and reasonable goals to pursue. After that, the ball’s in their court.

Best,

Karen

Normal Eating web site

Normal Eating talks and workshops