"Normal" Eating by Karen R. Koenig

Fixed or Broken?

A post on my message board (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings) a few months ago included the words, “Some of us are broken.” I hear often from clients that they’re “broken”—read as not fixable. However, there is no such thing as a totally “broken” person or a totally “fixed” one. This polarization is an example of unhealthy, all-or-nothing thinking that perpetuates the idea that anyone is wholly defective or entirely perfect. Needless to say, broken is not a good way to think of yourself.

Food Labeling and Consumption

I don’t know about you, but I have mixed feelings about including nutritional information on menus. People all over the world manage to be “normal”—even healthy—eaters without knowing precisely how many calories, salt, or fat grams food contains, so why can’t Americans? On the other hand, reading nutritional information alongside menu selections might be just what is needed to break through denial and help folks make better choices. At any rate, here are preliminary results of research on the subject. 

Dealing with Difficult Parents

Lots of unwanted eating comes from the stress of dealing with parents who don’t respect our boundaries and who are more focused on their needs than ours. As we mature, the idea is to “separate” from them emotionally, that is, to know that you exist for you and not for them. No matter what your adult age, when parents try to control you, it’s not surprising that you turn to food for comfort. Here is some excellent advice on the subject, not from me, but from a therapist whose blog I was fortunate to read. His wisdom is so right on, I thought I’d give you his words rather than mine.

Geneen Roth article in Redbook Magazine

There's an article by Geneen Roth in the May issue of Redbook magazine. I was so struck by what she had to say that I thought I would reproduce some of the excerpts here. However, I recommend that you read the entire article.

"I've been helping women with their food issues for many years...I started doing it because I was utterly tortured by my relationship with food and believed that if I got thin, my life would be much better and I would be happy...My self-loathing was so intense, and I didn't see a way out besides going on another diet--and I knew I couldn't do that, because the weight would only come back. So I stopped dieting, starting eating what my body wanted, and reached my natural weight--and a new lightness of being."

"We make weight into the big bad problem. We think that it, and our obsession with food, are what's 'wrong' with us. I went through years believing that. I do think the big picture here, the first step, is to realize that what you do with food is an expression of all the self-defeating beliefs you have about yourself and your life. It isn't just about food. Most people don't understand that the way they eat is inseparable from the way they live."

"I want people to see that overcoming their problem with food isn't just about willpower...It's not a banal problem that can be fixed like that...to me, people who use food when they're not hungry, and don't stop when they've had enough, are indicating that they've given up on themselves. They're basically saying that the only pleasure or the biggest pleasure I have in my life--all that's left for me--is to eat."

"It's as if your relationship with food has a story to tell you. You need the information in the story, just just to stop being compulsive about food but also to live the life you want to live. And that's possible no matter how many times you've tried, no matter how many times you believe you've failed. As long as you're above ground, it's possible."

Best, Karen  

http://www.eatingnormal.com/ http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

Normal Eating talks and media events

PLEASE NOTE: I encourage you to comment on my blogs and will do my best to address topics/questions you raise in future blogs. I cannot provide individual responses, but encourage you to post your questions and comments at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nicegirlsfinishfat.

Compassion, Acceptance and Mercy

This blog topic comes from a discussion with a client who was often highly critical about her body and overeating and who feared that if she showed herself “compassion” for making mistakes with food and “accepted” her weight, she wouldn’t try to change. Perhaps you too fall back on a sharp tongue lashing or a swift kick in the butt for motivation, rather than non-judgmentally exploring your behavior and figuring out how to do better next time. This client decided, instead, to show herself mercy, a term filled with benevolence, self-love, kindness and forgiveness.

Eating, Fat, and Punishment

How many of you self-punish to regulate your eating? Punishment starts with fear, self-judgment, and self-anger. Many disregulated eaters get stuck in this rigid, misguided approach and never move on to more enlightened, self-nurturing, self-loving ways of regulating eating. Here’s what self-punishment does: After you’ve done something you feel badly about, you use words or actions to make yourself feel worse. Double ouch! Fortunately, there is another way of changing behavior.

Not Talking About Food and Weight

In response to one of my blogs, I was asked: “Is it possible to stop people from talking about eating and weight?” Hurray, I thought: “Am I the only one on the planet tired of yakking about this subject?” Short of duct-taping their mouths, we can’t actually prevent people from talking about it, but we can exert subtle and direct pressure on them. Even if our strategies fail, they will help us express our needs, an important skill to practice.

Healthy versus "Normal" Eating

When a message board (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings) member questioned the difference between “normal” and healthy eating, I browsed through my blogs and was surprised I hadn’t blogged on the subject. What an important one it is. “Normal” and healthy eating are not the same, but each has tremendous value. 

Book Review: Women, Food and God

WOMEN, FOOD AND GOD: AN UNEXPECTED PATH TO ALMOST ANYTHING, Geneen Roth’s new book, is a must read. You might wonder, as I did, what she could possibly have to say that she hasn’t said already after penning some half dozen bestsellers. The answer is lots. Although there’s nothing so new and startling that it will knock your socks off, she still has wisdom to impart from her own food struggles and recovery and from studying and pursuing emotional/psychological health for decades.

Process versus Goals

Are you so goal-oriented that you overfocus on the endpoint of an activity and miss the journey that gets you there? If so, I bet you’re wildly impatient with the seemingly endless baby-stepping of going from disregulated to regulated or “normal” eating. Staying super tuned in to the journey can make all the difference between throwing in the towel in frustration and sticking to intuitive eating all the way to recovery.