The Stress Identity

Do you have an identity based on how much you do, how productive or successful you are, how well you care for others, or how stressed you feel? Sadly, too many people define themselves almost exclusively by how busy and selfless they are, and have enormous trouble giving up such an identity. If the description fits, it may be one of the major reasons you’re having difficulty with food.  Here’s why.

First, of all, doing, doing, doing 24/7 keeps you perpetually stressed out. It’s hard to feel as if anything gets done because there’s always oodles more to do and nothing’s ever done as well as you would have liked because you’re a perfectionist. Your stress level  sky-rockets for two reasons: you hardly ever rest or relax and you’re generally unsatisfied with the quality or quantity of your achievements. Your typical thoughts aren’t calming and relaxing; they’re driven by deep feelings of inadequacy. Moreover, having an identity based on living in overdrive makes it hard to be anything else. After all, you’re the go-to person on the go, needed by all, and your family/job/community/the world will collapse if you don’t stay on top of everything. What a huge burden to bear.

The other problem with having a stressed out identity is that it makes you feel so darned good about yourself (in a conditional way, of course), that you fear giving it up. Who would you be if not the Great Doer? How would you feel proud, valued, and recognized by others? What would motivate you to perform or achieve if not for the fact that it gives you an ego boost or solicits extensive praise for your astounding powers? What would your identity be if you weren’t stressing and stressed all the time?

You’d be a garden variety, regular person, that’s who, and in your eyes that may be insufficient and contemptible. How would you feel about yourself if you were more laid back, did less for others and more for yourself, or retired from being the chief operating officer of the world? In order to give up this persona(and the unwanted stress eating that often accompanies it), you will have to forge a new identity, one that is unfamiliar and which cultivates qualities which are the antithesis of your “finest attributes.” This is uncomfortable work, but very doable and with a large payoff in health benefits.

so quit thinking and telling people, “I’m so stressed. I’m so busy. I can’t do it all. I have so much too do.” If you stop, I promise that you’ll feel more relaxed which, in turn, will decrease stress eating. Giving it up will also make space for you to form a new, healthier, broader identity which includes simply being rather than doing.

Best,

Karen

http://www.eatingnormal.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

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Comments

[Christina]

Great post Karen, this was one of the biggest things I had to overcome to really make an improvement in my eating (and as a whole person).

[Rachael]

I love this post. right on! Thanks for your wisdom!

[Janis]

Yes, I want to be that garden variety, regular person! This post is encouraging me to try out this new & healthier identity & I will welcome "just being" rather than always "doing". Thank you!

[susan]

Wow -- you totally described the disordered me of four years ago (before therapy). I'm still working on it - it's hard to give up that identity.