Decision Making

When you’re unsure of what to do about an issue or feel stuck in a dilemma, it can be extremely difficult to come to a final decision: Should you move to another city, leave a relationship, return to school, put a parent in a nursing home, buy a house, enter therapy, let your teenager go cross-country with friends, etc. Sometimes it seems as if a decision can gnaw at you day and night, yet you still never feel any closer to, well, closure. Here’s a sure-fire way to find your way through the maze of uncertainty.

Most people take the wrong route of trying to impose a resolution on an issue rather than use their emotions to journey to an endpoint because they don’t trust their intuition and because our culture has convinced us that we must always know the best/right thing to do. We have little patience for wafflers and dilly dalliers. Also, because uncertainty can feel yucky, we often pressure ourselves to arrive at a “right” decision prematurely. Lastly, we believe that decision-making is solely driven by cerebral, objective, rational brain activity and that our emotions should sit quietly in the back sit.

The way to make a difficult decision that has major consequences is similar to that of deciding what, when and how much to eat: You need to use good judgment along with intuition. Here’s a personal example. I have a book out in proposal stage and am not currently engaged in a major writing project. Over the summer and through the fall, I’d been writing and having eating/weight articles published, but since then nothing has sparked my interest book-wise. Missing writing (other than blogs), I kept trolling my mind for something to awaken my muse, but nothing grabbed me. People made suggestions, but no idea jumped out and screamed, “Write about ME.” So I sat with this yearning to write waiting…and waiting and waiting.

I’ve been antsy during the waiting period, but have stayed with my emotions—boredom, mild interest in a subject, exasperation at having nothing engrossing to write about, and helplessness that I cannot force the process. Each day, every moment, I feel what I feel about not being drawn to a project. However, I assume that something will turn up and kick-start me because I trust this process of experiencing feelings to arrive at a decision. I don’t use words like “should,” “must,” or “have to” as motivators. Instead, I look inward with a modicum of certainty that a suitable idea will arrive if I wait long enough. Then, and only then, will I use my cognitive abilities to assess whether the idea is appropriate and viable. This process is an organic one and the tools used to go through it are life skills that can be acquired with determination, patience, and practice.  

Best,

Karen

http://www.eatingnormal.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

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Comments

[Kim]

This really resonated with me. I'm a writer as well, and I get super anxious during phases when nothing grabs me. I'm a big believer in the idea of a story (or article or essay or whatever else) asking to be written. I know that sounds odd, especially to writers who see writing as something they just do every day, without fail. I just don't work that way. I have to feel really pulled. Sometimes I go a whole year without being ignited by an idea, but then something comes to me, rather mysteriously, and I write like a mad woman. It's very hard for me not to impose rules or "shoulds" or self-criticism. I have to just trust it. Intuition is key. I also struggle with big decisions. It's the maximizer in me, always concerned with "the best" way to be. As I trust myself more, I find myself fretting much less, which is great.