Permanent Change

I was talking with a friend over dinner one night about how she and I were proof that enduring change around food really does happen. She and I were serious binge-eaters earlier in our lives, decades ago. She even wrote about her food excesses in a national women’s magazine! Now in our 50s and 60s, we’re radically different people than we were in our food-hazed days. We eat mindfully and enjoyably, with attention and care. Our wild and crazy eating life is long gone—we have changed our brains permanently!

I blog about permanent change for those of you who are just now thinking about improving your relationship with food to let you know that this huge transformation is definitely doable over time. When you’re in the initial stages of trying to quit bingeing, purging, or overeating, the endeavor seems enormous and impossible. You start out with a teensy sliver of hope (else you wouldn’t even try), but you really have no idea how arduous the journey of recover is. It is arduous, but it does have an end

 

I also blog for those of you who are frustrated with the process, in the thick of it, at it for years or decades and uncertain you’ll ever come out the other end. You make progress, then backslide. You “get” it for a while, then feel as if you’ve never heard of the process of “normal” eating. You’re tired of putting constant energy into thinking about food, experiencing emotions, making conscious, sound food choices, and wonder if you should give up and simply go back to dieting or food abuse. Trust me, it’s worth it to keep trying. The only way you’ll fail to reach your destination is to give up.

 

I blog, too, for those of you who have made many changes in your eating and your life, but still have one or two areas which don’t seem to budge. You do fine most of the time with food, but awful when you visit your family, or you eat intuitively for months on end then get super-stressed at work and go on a week-long carb bender. You need to figure out exactly what needs to be different and problem-solve in challenging areas, recall how far you’ve come and how you did it, identify your hurdles, then leap over them.

 

The goal isn’t to be a perfect eater (my friend and I aren’t), but we don’t struggle with food any more. We occasionally over- or undereat, but the desire to binge just isn’t there. Our brains have changed from doing new behaviors far more often than old ones. Destructive impulses have died out. New neural pathways have grown in their stead to help us make healthy decisions for ourselves around food and areas that impact eating. We’ve acquired new live skills. And we got where we are because we wouldn’t give up.

 

Best,

Karen

 

http://www.eatingnormal.com/

http://www.nicegirlsfinishfat.com/

Normal Eating events

PLEASE NOTE: I encourage you to comment on my blogs and will do my best to address topics/questions you raise in future blogs. I cannot provide individual responses, but encourage you to post your questions and comments at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nicegirlsfinishfat.

 

Comments

[wendy]

Karen, thank you for posting this today...I can't tell you how much I have needed to hear it. Especially the part about it being such arduous work and that it is possible to be recovered.
:)

[sue corning]

Thanks, Karen. I also appreciate this post, because I'm one of those 60+ year old normal eaters who previously binged (and purged) for many years. I totally agree that arduous work is necessary to overcome the irrational beliefs which kept me using disordered eating habits.

I also REFUSED to believe that I had a 'mental disorder' like 'bulimia' which MADE me use those habits. I knew all along that I CHOSE to binge and I CHOSE to purge. I, not the food, chose to use those habits. I was NOT powerless over food or my habits. I just didn't know how much my beliefs influenced those habits. I also didn't know what else to believe.

I think that, more than anything else, taking personal responsibility for my eating habits gave me the power to change those eating habits. If I could choose to binge and purge, I knew that I could choose to eat intuitively according to hunger and fullness. When I put as much energy into intuitive eating as I had previously devoted to bingeing and purging, I found ways to eat intuitively and eliminate my disordered eating habits.

[julie]

It's nice to hear from people who are not trying to be perfect eaters. I'm 40, was a severe dieter/binger, now am generally comfortable with food. I have occasional bouts of guilt because I overeat at parties, or skip dinner after a big lunch, or not in the mood for breakfast, but that feels normal to me. I'm glad to know that others who feel that they've attained "intuitive eating" also do similar things, and it's okay.