"Normal" Eating by Karen R. Koenig

Spirituality--Or Not

An interesting discussion went on a while ago on my Food and Feelings message board (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/foodandfeelings) regarding the role of spirituality in helping people change their relationship with food and their bodies. Obviously, change can happen with or without being a spiritual person. I’ve seen amazing transformations by folks who are highly religious and those who are total non-believers. What’s important is for you to identify and utilize what works for you.

Fear of Failure

I was talking to a phone client about her stuckness and she admitted that behind it is a giant fear of failure. You, too, may believe that your history is your future, especially if you’ve struggled with food for decades and gained and lost weight repeatedly. Dread of once again not achieving or maintaining your goals may keep you from pursuing them.

Difficult People

We all have difficult people in our lives—family members, neighbors, co-workers. Notice  that I didn’t mention friends or romantic partners because we can choose them and shouldn’t be cozying up to folks who are regularly hard to deal with and don’t bring us oodles of joy and pleasure. One of the triggers that provokes you to abuse food might be the difficult people in your life, so it pays to learn to how to handle them effectively.

Forgiving vs. Forgetting

Forgiveness can be tricky business. Societal messages encourage us to forgive so that we can move on. Plus, we know in our hearts how painful it is to nurture a grudge. Although being unforgiving of others hurts us, so too can the automatic reaction of wiping the slate clean prematurely. Forgiveness is a nuanced subject, not an all-or-nothing affair, whether we’re talking about our own transgressions or those done to us.

To Cry or Not to Cry

Some people may think that tears are what healing and therapy are all about, but that’s not necessarily true. I see two types of clients: those who cry easily and those for whom shedding a tear is like pulling teeth. Both sets suffer from emotional management problems, and my goal is to help each move toward a healthier middle ground.

Body Image and Workouts

Research says that the exercise women select may contribute to attitudes about their bodies. Although I encourage you to do whatever exercises you enjoy, it’s interesting to consider which of those might—and might not—help improve your body image.

 

Fat Cells and Hunger

More proof that appetite, metabolism and weight loss don’t function the same way for all of us. I make this point as often as I can to drive home your uniqueness and to encourage you to quit comparing your process and progress to other people’s. Comparison is one of the worst aspects of dieting—you know, that “What do you eat and how much did you lose?” discussion—and the reason that “normal” eating works because it respects your individual appetite. So, on to the scientific evidence.

 

How to Stop Rebellious Eating

The last time I blogged about a rebellious food attitude, a reader said she appreciated my insights into the underlying problem, but wanted to know what to do about it. Good point. Although I can’t give you a step-by-step outline to follow, I can give you a general game plan. You will need to change your beliefs about your rights as an adult, alter your reaction of anger toward “shoulds” by separating the concept of control from caring, and do whatever you can in the moment to make mature and rational decisions about food.