About Christine

  • About Christine Selby

    Dr. Christine Selby has a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and a Master's Degree in Counseling and Psychological Services with a concentration in Athletic Counseling. She is also a Certified Consultant with the Association for Applied Sport Psychology (AASP), A member of the Academy of Eating Disorders and... Read More...

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June 19, 2009

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Ann

after I read this post, I started thinking about how I really do want to be healthy. And how I know that when I fuel my body correctly I can cycle harder and longer or swim farther and fast or run longer and faster than I can when I restrict. I also started focusing on that and realizing that what I want is to be healthy, to be able to cycle with my friends and not have to rest after 8 miles because I'm so exhausted I literally can't go. I really want to be able to swim that mile and not feel light headed. I really want to feel good about working out and not guilty or worried that I didn't get enough calories that day to compensate.
I'm starting to feel a little empowered, knowing that with more fuel for my body I can and do perform better. And realizing that it's Ed that doesn't want me to perform well/be happy/eat well/get healthy and it's me who wants to be healthy/perform well/be happy/eat healthy and feel good all around.

Thanks for writing about this!

Christine Selby

Thank you for taking the time to comment on this post and to share your experience as you contemplate the importance of being healthy so that you can perform how you want to perform. Yes, your ED can work so hard AGAINST you that at times it can take some extra effort - or perhaps a small reminder that Ed DOES NOT know what is best for you...YOU know what is best for you. And if you're not sure...that's what the psychologists, physicians and nutritionists are for - to help you figure it out! Thanks again for your comments.

Ann

Today I was suppose to participate in an Endurathon (a half Ironman). Instead I was working, standing on my torn ACL leg wishing I was participating. Two of my good friends had signed up to do it with me. They both finished in good time for the conditions and I got to work early and stayed late. I can't stop thinking about what it would have been like to finish the endurathon, to have crossed that finish line and been able to say I did it! I finished!! And to celebrate with Kim and Chris it would have been awesome. Now I have to wait till next year, when I'll most likely still have a torn ACL. However, I'm hoping that I'll be more focused on my health and not my weight so that my performance will be increased and my leg strength will be increased to support my torn ACL. This is such a battle for me, I try so hard to focus on my performance and fueling myself for better performance and more endurance, yet I still seem to get trapped in the "I'm not thin enough" train wreck. Sometimes I'm afraid to workout, I'm afraid I'll get carried away and obsessive and not eat or do something stupid. At the same time exercise keeps my head on straight, it keeps my mind thinking clearly, and my mood intact. How I wish I could be a true balancing act then maybe all would fall into some sort of equilibrium.

Christine Selby

It can feel like a battle; however, like any other skill, the more you remind yourself that health is your focus rather than weight it will become easier to maintain the balance you are seeking. Best wishes for you and for your ACL!

Laura

Ann, I feel the same way. Sometimes I'm afraid to workout because I'm afraid I won't stop or because I don't want to have to eat everything necessary to fuel the amount of running I want to do. I want to run far, but I don't want to eat as much as is required to run far. I want to restrict, but I want to be able to run far. It doesn't work that way - obviously. And, at the same time, like you, I get no-running-depression the same way other people get seasonal depression (or something like that). It's hard to know when you cross that line from "this feels good" to "I have to keep going just because I have to even though I already feel good and de-stressed." And I also have an injury that forces me to not run right now (which is making me go a little bonkers). Every day I feel the urge to run, but I can't act on it or I'll just injure myself more and then I really won't be able to run one day. I've found it helpful to just put my energy into other things. It is easy to put my energy into restriction, but I'm trying to put my energy into friends and into relationship and other things that I deem fun. Basically, I'm trying to put my energy into a certain spirit I want to have and into all things fun. It's what we have to do if we want to not lose ourselves now. And being physically healthy (not restricting and/or B and P-ing, whatever it is you struggle with) and developing other parts of our lives is what we have to do if we want to be able to exercise again. And, once we can exercise, we have to remind ourselves that the point is to do it to feel better. So, we have to make ourselves stop after we've felt better by exercising and not get carried away - because that's not what it's about. I have in no way mastered this skill, but I'm committed to trying to master it so that I can live healthfully, injury-free, and balanced.

It is all hard though. Good luck to you! I know you can get through this.

Ann

Thanks Laura! Good luck to you as well! I know how bad an injury sucks, especially one that won't heal on its own. I'm still going through the grieving process and it happened in February. I will be working as hard as a I to get to that place where exercise is about being healthy and enjoyable instead of punishment or because I tell myself I have to do it, despite being injured/sick/tired/just not fueled properly. Wow, I have so much to work on, yikes.

Anyways, thanks again for sharing, it's very helpful for me. I hope your injury heals very quickly! Stay strong, I know you will win the battle! :)

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