Why do some people recover and others do not?

Sometimes, I sit and wonder why some people recover and others do not.

As a psychologist, I talk to a wide variety of people, all day, almost every day. We don't talk about the weather, except when making small talk at the beginning of a session. We talk about pain and struggles, the moments of despair and the crosses people courageously shoulder.We also talk about the victories never thought possible, the days free of behavior and obsession, and the turning points that were life changing. 

Some people recoil from their pain as if it were a hot stove. Does the pain burn some people more than others? I have some patients who have remained stuck, running away from issues they know must be faced in order to be well, backing away over and over, every time we come near. These people will choose behaviors over the pain and will cancel appointments or take a break from therapy if necessary. Why? If this describes you, would you write about it?

 

Comments

[short let london]

Honestly I think that it just a matter of own perceptions but you are right that the same event can reflect quite different to the different people. However sooner or later each of them will find way to recover no matter how long does it takes.

[wendy]

I love the question, Dr. Kim! I've never taken a break from counseling or missed appointments, but have often chosen to use a behavior rather than feeling an emotion. Sometimes the feeling has been a painful one and I avoided it because I wasn't sure I could handle it, was afraid it would not go away if a I allowed it to surface, or that I would fall into pieces that no one could pick up. I also realized early messages I learned were not to show emotions especiall pain because then people would know how to hurt me. I also remember vowing not to let others see how much they hurt me and over time it seemed to grow to include most people. I also didn't experience having emotions validated and felt like I was defective for feeling what I felt. Adding to that, when I tried to share pain in church settings I was told I should forgive and move on...so to be in a counseling setting where someone wanted me to go to painful places and experience the pain seemed so foreign in the beginning and terrifying. It took me getting to the place that staying totally in ED was more terrifying and painful that working on coming out of it.

[mulberry bags]

Thanks, I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

[LeahV]

Yes, Currently I am taking a "break" from counseling. Mostly because I feel like I might crack if I continue. Every time I get to the same point and I stop. There is one issue that I just dont want to talk about. And for a long time I was scared of who I "really was". I also am not purging right now either. Recovery comes in layers. Not all at once. Recovery and requires reconciling with those feelings and the past and learning how they are affecting current trends and behaviors...that is sometimes more than most people can face..For me right now playing with the border is not something I am equipped to handle...especially if I slip ...

[Terra J]

I have been in recovery for about a month now and I struggle. I want to get better but feel I have no support so I grab onto the behaviors as support. I wans in group and they were talking about holding onto the log or letting go and swimming to shore. I am holding onto to the log but wanting to let go but do not know if or how to let go. Sometime I do not know if I can let go or not.

[Chris]

Howdy Chris,Yeah you are right all the recovery tools ask for the money $.I too have gone thogruh this kind of prob various times den i come to knw abt a application named Advanced Disk Recovery that helps me to recover the data deleted either intentionally or accidentally.It recovers data very efficiently if not overwritten. u can connect ur sd card to the computer and can recover the data with the help of this tool.Though in free version it only recovers the 5 files but atleast u can get 5 of ur important files backI am using the paid version and it is wrkn fine 4 meso if u wanna give it a try then u can download this from cnet

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