Crossroads: To feel or not to feel. That is the key question when it comes to behavior change.

My father used to love to recite the following verse in a fake English accent, "It ain't the 'eavy 'aulin' that 'urt the 'orses 'ooves. It's the 'ammer, 'ammer, 'ammer on the 'ard 'ighway."  Believe it or not, there is an application to eating disorder recovery. 

 Perhaps one could say, "It ain't the gaining weight that causes all the stress, it is the feelings of anxiety one feels on the way to the higher weight." Many people in recovery will say, "If I could wake up tomorrow and have gained all the weight, I would be fine.  It is the agonizing process of gaining it slowly that is so hard."Just like the story of the horse in which people thought it was the heavy load that hurt its feet, it is easy to get focused on gaining weight as the stumbling block. In reality, for most people, it is the anxiety and uncertainty caused by weight gain that slows the process, not the weight gain itself. As in the story of the horse, the solution is not the obvious. In order for the horse to feel better, it needs to walk on softer ground rather than carry a lighter load. In the process of weight gain, the focus needs to be on the management of feelings, not the weight itself. The crossroads is not "to gain weight or not to gain weight", rather "it is to feel or not to feel". 

The same principle applies to stopping purging behaviors in bulimia or stopping the overeating in binge eating disorder. 

Comments

[wendy]

I really can relate to this post! I hadn't really realized how many crossroads recovery really has in it...they are daily. When I first started recovery we were working on some of the underlying issues, which were traumatic events. I struggled hard with ED behaviors but also stayed so busy that I did not have time to feel. I suffered a severly broken ankle, which left me house bound for almost a year...life slowed down and all of a sudden I could feel. I couldn't use my behaviors easily so I had to sit in them. Funny when there was no choice, I did not feel so anxious about feeling as I do when there is a choice to feel or not to feel cause of the "quick fix" of ED behaviors. I have realized using ED for so long had made me feel dead emotionally and that now it is cool feeling more alive. Even knowing all of this, I realize after reading your post that I still have to daily choose to feel or not to feel!

[Liz]

Dr Lampson,

This is such a fantastic blog, I can't believe how much I can relate to this - it has really made me feel less alone!

Thanks again,
Liz

[Kim Lampson]

Thank you, Liz. Your comment was also helpful to me. I have been so busy lately, that it has been hard to post. I guess you could call it a crossroads or turning point for me. Your comment encourages me to keep going and make time. As a sporadic blogger, I sometimes wonder if many people actually read the posts and also if they are helpful. Thank you again for letting me know. When I was in recovery, I craved connection with people who understood. It was before the internet or blogs. I felt very alone and scared. You are not alone!
Dr. Lampson