Faith versus trust

Faith. This is not a subject I am ordinarily disposed to write much about, for the sheer fact that I don’t understand it.

Trust. This is a practice I have struggled with rather continually across my lifespan thus far, and from both the receiving and the giving end.

Now, this may strike you (and certainly strikes me) as odd, given that my life to date has included recovering from a 15-year battle with anorexia and bulimia, living in India for six months, quitting my highly-paid corporate job to move to India, traveling through fifteen countries in Europe, writing a book, getting it published, executive producing three CDs of original music, and starting the world’s first eating disorders mentoring community.

Hearing all of this, not knowing it was my own life that was being described, I suspect I might be thinking, “Wow – this person sure must have a lot of faith!”

“Or at least a lot of trust.”

Nope.

Last month, during one of our twice-weekly MentorCONNECT support group meetings, we all got to talking about our definitions of faith and trust, and I guess it has just stayed on my mind ever since. Some attendees felt that they were synonyms – thesaurus buddies. Other attendees felt that trust was faith in action (which I found quite interesting!) Still others thought that faith was in concepts and trust was in people.

I didn’t know what I thought. So I continued the conversation with a couple of close friends over the course of the next few weeks, but still my customary willingness to offer an opinion (with or without any sound reasoning behind it) was oddly, stubbornly absent.

Until this morning.

I love early mornings…or, er, well, let me rephrase that. I love early mornings when I don’t actually have to get out of bed. I especially love those early mornings when something in me – my subconscious? my heart? my spirit? my digestion? – gently jostles me awake, and I segue into that long, slow ascent up through the layers of deep sleep to dream to I’m-awake-now.

Sometimes whatever it is that nudges me into wakefulness does so simply because I need a little extra me-time before another day begins.

Other mornings there is a discussion topic that me and myself (myself and I?) have been contemplating in the subconscious arenas, and something in me has apparently decided that a little conscious communication might be illuminating or even helpful.

Such was the case this morning, when the topic was introduced to newly-conscious me as: “faith” vs. “trust” – what is the difference, how do you know, and who decides?

I thought for a few moments. My early morning thinking, uncluttered by to-do lists, prior day’s worries, pending day’s fears, or even a full realization that yes-I-am-really-awake, was remarkably clear.

I was also missing my customary preconceived notions about how little I had to contribute to this particular subject, which most likely explains the rapid-fire ANSWERS that began arising from within me as if from out of nowhere....

Who decides? I do. Check.

How do you know? You just know. Check.

What is the difference? Well, since you asked....

“Faith”, to me, is surrender. It is the utter humility to admit that my shortcomings are not all my fault and that there is a bigger picture plan for my own evolution than I can access on any given day. It is intangible, felt rather than understood, full of gratitude and peace.

“Trust”, to me, is the willingness to continue to connect with sources of help and support – divine, human, feathered (especially feathered), and otherwise – rather than withdraw for any and all reasons including shame, blame, fear, insecurity, loneliness, or doubt. It is relational, tangible, active, and reassuring.

Which means I finally understand that in my world, faith and trust are exceptionally complementary – best friends, confidantes, lifemates – but for me they are not the same.

In reading my own newly-formed definitions and holding them up against my past and present life experiences, I can see that in fact I have been practicing my understandings of faith and trust in many ways. But the part of me that realizes things didn't realize it until now.

I simply didn’t know that that was what it was enough to be able to say – "Oh, that’s 'faith'. Oh, that is 'trust'." Which, for me at least, means that there was a part of my body-mind-heart-spirit that was being left out. That part did feel shame, blame, fear, insecurity, loneliness, doubt, less than-ness…and that part was my mind.

The body-heart-spirit parts of me didn’t need to understand faith and trust – they were already living it, and had been for quite some time. But my mind didn’t know it. My mind, like all other parts of me, wants to participate, be included, give and receive, have its needs for connection and communication met.

So it was my mind that prodded me awake this morning because it was the only time of day when it could hope to communicate its needs to me, through me, rather than the other way around. Luckily for it and for me, I was able to hear, understand, and finally respond.

Now that all parts of me are informed, on board, and “in” for the (hopefully trust- and faith-filled) journey ahead, it will be interesting to see what happens next!

xo

Shannon

p.s. I would love to hear your thoughts on how you define and experience faith and love as there is always room for revision in my own...and evolution!

Comments

[Kensingoton]

I really enjoyed this subject. For me, a big life lesson came from watching a Dr. Phil episode years ago when he said that trusting someone is really about trusting yourself. If you have the ability to trust yourself to HANDLE if someone hurts you, then you are more likely to extend trust to someone who otherwise seems like they deserve a try.

I had to really think about this because I had so many trust issues. Part of my ed was deciding "to hell with it, everyone abandons me but food never does". Making that connection in therapy and in those still moments, like yours waking up in bed, was crucial to deciding I would let trust back into my life.

Faith - that's an answer longer than I can write in a comments section. ;) Ultimately, I had to have faith in myself. There is a component of faith as it relates to spirituality, too, but without faith in myself, no other faith can exist for me.

[Edis]

I had and still have trust issues, although I have faith in others, and now in me as well, even if that was hard to get back.
Like you said, trusting someone is all about trusting yourself first. This is why it is so hard to find. I don't know where life is taking me, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, I don't know if people like what I do...I'm always questioning and doubting myself, therefore, how can I trust someone else.
However, it does not mean I cannot love. I adore the people that are in my life, although it is hard for me to let them know that sometimes as I don't always trust them. It's an ongoing battle.
But I found faith one day, and had this moment of trust in my dad and in the doctors. Now I'm recovered from an ED, although like I said, still struggling with trust issues.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Blrj5_7jur0

[Shannon Cutts]

You make some great points, Edis. I think we can all relate - I found a great quote in the book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements. He says You will find that you dont need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices. That resonated so strongly with me, and I remind myself of it often when I am struggling to trust others. Hope it offers some insight to you too! xo

[Kensingoton]

I second "The Four Agreements" as a great book to open your mind to what's your responsibility and what's on someone else to deal with.

[Meg]

Hi Shannon and everyone,

What a magnificent topic. A little more than a year ago, had you asked me what if there were even a difference between faith and trust, I most likely would have used ED to answer for me. Now, a year later and in a much needed recovery, I am able to define these terms by myself, without the impact of ED. You see, ED kept from seeing for years that these elements did indeed exist. I now have a concept of a higher power, and understand that it is through this wonderful higher being, this higher sense of self that exists, that the world is not out to get me, as ED often whispered in m ear. In fact, I am the one doing much of the choosing these days, from choosing what I have faith in, to working on trust. From my experience in recovery this far, the concept of faith makes more sense than trust. I'm still working on personal trust, although I am so VERY proud of the progress I have made this year with rusting myself. And that is where it all begins. Faith and trust begin at home, this much I know to be true. They exist independently of one another sometimes, but as Shannon said, they are complimentary to each other. I love the freedom I have to now reach out for help and develop my concepts of faith and trust to place I would have neevr been brought to without recovery. Cheers to a healthy mind-body-spirit-and heart connection. With these elements combined, nothing, including ED can break down our door.

[Shannon Cutts]

That is a great point, Meg - and in fact, it is Ed who is out to get us, and he would prefer we never figure this out! Thank you for your insightful and inspiring update! xo